From Roommates to Romance: 5 Easy Ways to Reconnect with Your Husband
Let’s be honest. After decades of doing all the things—raising kids, running a household, maybe juggling a career—marriage can start to feel more like a business partnership than a love story.
You love each other, sure. But where did the playfulness go? The chemistry? The connection?
If you’re a woman over 40 with older kids, you might finally have some breathing room—and that’s the perfect time to give your relationship the attention it deserves.
Using insights from the Gottman Method—a science-backed approach to strengthening relationships—here are five simple but powerful ways to bring back the spark:
1. Create "Love Maps" Again
You used to know everything about each other. Now? Maybe not so much.
The idea of Love Maps is all about staying emotionally connected by knowing your partner’s inner world—what they’re excited about, worried about, dreaming about.
Try this:
Ask open-ended questions over coffee or wine, like:
What’s something you’d love to do this year that we haven’t talked about?
If you could redo one part of your past, what would it be?
You’ll be surprised at how deep you can go—and how connected you’ll feel again.
2. Turn Toward, Not Away
It’s easy to ignore the small stuff—his jokes, his sighs, his random comments while you're doing dishes. But Gottman found that “turning toward” those little bids for attention creates huge intimacy over time.
Try this:
Pause and respond. Acknowledge. Laugh at the joke. Hug back. Be present.
These micro-moments add up to macro-connection.
3. Bring Back Rituals of Connection
Rituals aren’t just for holidays or kids—they’re for keeping love alive.
Try this:
Weekly date night (even just a walk)
Morning coffee together before phones
Evening check-in: “How was your day, really?”
Predictable connection builds safety, which boosts intimacy.
4. Share Fondness and Admiration
When you’ve been together for years, it’s easy to see your partner’s flaws more than their strengths. This is called the “negative sentiment override.”
Try this:
Flip the script. Tell him what you appreciate—daily. “Thanks for always doing the trash,” or “I love how you handled that phone call.”
Affection is fuel. Speak it often.
5. Be Curious About Physical Intimacy Again
Sex might not look like it did in your 20s (thank God), but that doesn’t mean it can’t be passionate and playful.
Try this:
Start with affection. Non-sexual touch. Talk about fantasies or preferences. Get curious without pressure. Gottman encourages open, judgment-free communication about sex—it creates emotional safety, which often leads to physical closeness.
Bottom line?
Reigniting your marriage doesn’t require a vacation to Italy (although hey, yes please). It starts with small daily choices to see each other, hear each other, and enjoy each other again.
This chapter of your life isn’t about settling—it’s about reclaiming joy, in your marriage and beyond.
Ready for more? Checkout The Marriage Reset: Realign, Rebuild, Reconnect.
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