The Confidence Gap After 40: How Women Can Close It
Have you ever noticed how many of us women hit our 40s with this mix of wisdom, life experience, and strength… yet still feel like we’re holding back? On paper, we’ve done so much—raising families, building careers, supporting communities—but when it comes to going after our next big dream, there’s often this quiet hesitation.
It’s not because we’re not capable. It’s because of something I like to call the confidence gap.
Why Does This Gap Show Up in Midlife?
By the time we reach our 40s, we’ve lived through a lot. We’ve learned lessons, picked up responsibilities, and been shaped by expectations from every direction—family, culture, work, religion, society. Somewhere along the way, many of us start questioning:
Am I too old to start something new?
What if I fail?
Do I really deserve more than what I already have?
Here’s the truth: these doubts don’t mean you lack confidence altogether. They simply point to the old patterns and stories running in the background. Let’s look at a few of the biggest ones.
The Three Sneaky Confidence Stealers
1. Identity Shifts
So many of us have worn roles for decades: mom, wife, caregiver, professional, volunteer. These roles are beautiful, but they can become cages if we confuse what we do with who we are. When one chapter ends (like kids leaving home, or a career shift), it’s natural to wonder, Who am I now? That uncertainty can chip away at confidence.
2. Self-Talk
Our inner voice has a powerful influence on what we believe we’re capable of. If your inner dialogue sounds like, “I’m not tech-savvy,” “I’m too behind,” “Other women are further ahead than me,” then no wonder confidence feels shaky. The truth is, our brain listens to those messages unless we choose to rewire them.
3. Comparison
In the age of social media, it’s easy to scroll and think, “She’s already doing what I dream of,” or “I should be further along by now.” But comparison is a thief. It robs you of celebrating your unique path and timing. What if, instead, you viewed those women as proof that it’s possible for you too?
How to Close the Confidence Gap
Here’s the good news: confidence isn’t something you’re either born with or not. It’s a skill—one you can strengthen at any age. Here’s a simple roadmap:
1. Reclaim Your Identity
Start asking yourself: Who am I becoming? Instead of focusing on the roles of the past, envision the woman you want to grow into. Journal about her qualities, habits, and how she shows up. This pulls you into possibility instead of limitation.
2. Rewire Your Self-Talk
Catch your inner critic in action. When you hear those old lines, gently pause and replace them with a truth that serves you. For example:
Old script: “I’m too old to start something new.”
New truth: “I have decades of wisdom that make me powerful for this next step.”
Little by little, your brain learns to follow the new track.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
Confidence builds through action. Each time you take a small step like signing up for that class, speaking up in a meeting, or sharing your dream with a friend, you prove to yourself, I can do this. Stack enough small wins and the big goals no longer feel so far away.
4. Surround Yourself with Expanders
Confidence grows when you’re in rooms with women who are also dreaming big. Their energy, encouragement, and perspective remind you that you’re not alone and that your vision is valid.
The Bottom Line
The confidence gap isn’t permanent. It’s simply the space between the version of you that doubts and the version of you that dares. Closing it is about choosing new beliefs, practicing bold steps, and surrounding yourself with support.
If you’re a woman over 40 standing at the edge of your next chapter, hear me on this: it’s not too late, and you’re not too far behind. You have everything you need to create a life that excites and fulfills you—you just need the confidence to claim it.
And that? That can be built starting today.
👉 Want to start building unshakable confidence right now? Join me for Awaken Your Next Chapter: 6 Weeks to Clarity, Confidence, and Bold Action. Together, we’ll dissolve the doubts and help you step fully into the bold, brilliant woman you’re becoming.
